Osiris (2025) - A Guest Mini-Review by Adrian Brain

The big draw for this recent sci-fi actioner is Linda “Terminator” Hamilton, but sadly her on-screen time is less than ten minutes. What’s worse, she didn’t “phone-in” the performance as much as send in a fax of Sarah Connor with the note “I’ll add a silly Russian accent in the overdub”.  Oh well,  I expect she has bills to pay too.

The actual lead to the film is called, I kid you not, Max Martini! The square-jawed action hero’s square-jaw. He plays the commander of a special forces unit that is abducted mid-mission into the bowels of an alien spaceship. After the usual probing by the rubbery-looking aliens, they are sealed up in jelly (complete with their arsenal of weapons, most conveniently). They are museum exhibits, presenting the best warriors Earth has to offer. However, the jelly melts and our heroes are free to try to prevent the aliens from eating the population of Earth. So a high-stakes mission then.

If you watch the trailer you’ve essentially seen the film; lots of running around alien spaceship corridors which look remarkably samey (I guess Linda Hamilton ate most of the budget) and the expected death-by-numbers. Sadly, key points, such as the final battle between uber-Alien and Earth’s squarest jaw, are fluffed badly.

However, I did enjoy this despite it being rubbish! Max Martini, often shaken but not stirred, carries the film with a certain bravado and it is always good to see Linda Hamilton with a big gun, no matter how briefly! Currently streaming on various platforms in the UK.